My name is Carmen Rockwell and I am Laura Rosecrans’ mother! I would like to share with you my experience as a post-abortive grandma.
My daughter Laura was 16 years old when she made a decision that brought much pain to her throughout many years. It was very recently that I had full knowledge of the events that led her to such a drastic decision.
Now, as I think about my failure as a parent back then, I have begun to recollect some of the incidents of that time. I had just lost my mother (she died in 1981) and I took her death very hard for she was my all. She was the center of my life (at the time I did not realize how that left Laura totally abandoned – emotionally and spiritually).
If you have heard Laura’s testimony this is where it begins. A very lonely, abandoned child seeking the love she did not have at home.
In a sense Laura and I became more like sisters than mother and daughter. I still don’t remember my reaction when I found out about her abortion (after-the-fact), but knowing my state of mind at that time, I am sure my reaction was not a very nice one nor my words very kind. Throughout the years the knowledge of her abortion was spoken in very veiled words, never fully acknowledging that it had happened and that it was hurting her.
If we had gone on with our own lives spinning out of control as they were for the next 3 to 5 years neither one of us would be alive today, I totally believe so, but the Lord mercifully intervened and He came into our lives and rescued us.
Immediately, the Lord gave her the command to, “Go and tell other women suffering the same pain that there is forgiveness and peace for such as they!” Being a visionary she immediately gave her all to that task. Many have been the women she has already touched with her testimony.
It was listening to this testimony that finally woke me and made me aware that just as she had suffered for 33 years, I had taken the easy way out and had buried the situation in the deepest parts of my being. I was aware of her unhappiness and suffering, but I never confronted the reality of her abortion.
So, after allowing the truth that I had buried down for so many years to hit me between the eyes, (my heart, really) I did not know how to react to all this information that was now being brought into the open. My first thoughts were what a horrible mother I had been, and where was I when all this happened, when I was supposed to be there for her, offering her my love and my protection.
My first thoughts were what a horrible mother I had been, and where was I when all this happened, when I was supposed to be there for her, offering her my love and my protection.
After listening to her heart breaking testimony and God working in my heart, I have decided to be totally supportive to Laura, since I had not been there when it had all happened, (physically I was, but not spiritually nor emotionally). Now, I am by her side and will help her as much as I can. I pray the Lord will give me the wisdom to be the best mother she can have.
I have started by becoming part of her ministry which involved becoming certified to lead a “Surrendering the Secret” Bible study.
In order to understand more of what these precious women have to go through as they do the study, Laura decided I needed to go through the study with Pam Walker, a beautiful sister that had been healed when she went through the study with Laura.
As I went through it, I still had no connection with what Laura had gone through, not only that but I felt no connection to my grandson, John, as Laura had named her baby boy.
But, on January 9, 2015, I attended a Ramah International Seminar which deals with the healing and understanding of post-abortive women. What I heard there was not new, for by now I have been volunteering a couple of days a week at Care Net Pregnancy Center and am now more familiar with the pain and sadness of an unwanted pregnancy.
The speaker, Sydna Masse, is a wonderful and beautiful sister in Christ. She reminded me very much of my Laura. These women are lionesses for the Lord.
When I sat down, I bowed my head in prayer while the memorial service continued, it then hit me again. I remembered that I have another grandson, Nathan whom the Lord took before he was born in a miscarriage. Just as with John I had never acknowledged him or felt any connection to him and I immediately asked the Lord – and them – to forgive me for being such a detached grandma.
As I kept my prayers and thoughts on what was going on, I suddenly “saw” them with the eyes of my spirit, two beautiful little boys, one about 12 with dark hair, the other one smaller about 6, with light hair, the older one was holding the little one’s hand and they were walking toward me.
It was then I understood, they are residing with the Lord, but now they have also come to reside in my heart. So to finish my story, I have seven, not five grandchildren, but two are in heaven waiting for me.
I am a very private person and not given to talk about my personal life and thoughts, but I want to encourage mothers and grandmothers of post abortive women to stand by them and extend loving arms and hearts. To let them know you forgive them, but most important – to let them know that JESUS has forgiven them.
Let them know they do not have to live with the pain, guilt and shame. Forgiveness is but a prayer away! Please encourage them to seek healing, for the world needs their voices to be lifted up to stop the madness of abortion.